Most of us have been on, or are planning to go on a first date sometime in our lives. Going on a first date can be anxiety provoking, exciting, amazing, frustrating or even terrible. You get in contact with the special person and set a date, time and place, or maybe he will be a gentleman and pick you up. When meeting with them you might feel like you just click and after the date you definitely want to spend time with them again. But sometimes something doesn’t feel quite right, but you can’t seem to put your finger on it. In this article we will discuss some important things to look out for during your date which can tell you a lot about the person, both good and not so good attributes, you are on the date with. Let’s dive right into the things to be aware of during your first date with someone.
Questions to ask yourself during and after a date:
- How punctual are they?
- How did they treat the waiter?
- Did they focus on you, or only on themselves?
- How about their appearance?
- How excited were they to go on a date with you?
- Do they overshare personal information?
- How authentic are they?
Punctuality is a sign of respect. Time is our most valuable asset. If they are punctual it shows that they value your time and also their own. It is also a small drop into the trust-bucket. In addition, it shows that they really care about making a good first impression and that they value the opportunity to meet you. If they are late on the other hand and don’t let you know, it is a sign of disrespect. They might not value the date as much as you do. Some excuses are legit and anything can happen, but it is all about how they choose to handle it. It is a good test to see if they can admit to a mistake and accept the blame and apologize for it or not. In general, it is a good sign if they are on time.
2. How do they treat the waiter?
This might sound like a small, insignificant thing, but it can speak volumes about a person’s attitude. Waiting staff are busy and may make a mistake with your order or might take time to attend to you. If they treat the waiter with kindness and respect it is a sign of them being humble and empathetic. This will also reveal how they treat people in general. On the flip side, if they complain about every little thing to the waiter and treat them like they are below them, it is a sure sign of entitlement and having an attitude of being “better” than other people. Overall, if they treat the waiter with compassion, it is a thumbs-up in my books.
3. Do they focus on you or only on themselves?
We have all met people who can’t get enough about talking about themselves, and how great they are, trying to impress people. I think we can all agree that it is not the best way to connect with others. If they are really interested in you, they will share their ideas and thoughts with you, but also ask you about you and actually listen actively. It is like playing tennis, one hits the ball, then wait for the other to hit it back. It is boring if they only keep the ball on their side of the court. It is definitely a plus 1 point if they communicate in such a way that also includes you rather than just mumbling on about themselves.
4. How about their appearance?
I am not refiring to how physically in shape they are or how attractive they are, but more to how they are groomed and have they made any effort. How did they dress, how are they groomed etc. As we go on a first date we all want to make a good impression on our date. By them making an effort with their appearance, they communicate that they care enough to make a good first impression, therefore you can infer that they value the opportunity to spend time with you. If they look as though they just woke up, chances are they don’t see you as high value, and didn’t care enough to spend time to get ready for your first date.
5. How excited were they to go on a date with you?
Now, this one is a little tricky sometimes because not everyone shows excitement in the same way. Especially during the first part of the date they can seem a little tense because of nerves, that is totally normal and kind of expected. If you get the sense that they are treating you as just a second option or that they seem more interested in what is going on around them than trying to get to know you, that is not a good sign that they are excited to meet and spend time with you. A good thing to notice is how they acted when making the date, were they unsure about going out with you, or did they make definite plans? Be mindful though, not everyone warms up fast and it might take a while, so don’t answer this question too quickly.
6. Do they overshare personal information?
The goal of a first date is to get to know the other person better and to see if you vibe with them or not. So, in that case sharing parts of yourself is expected and normal, but when they share overly personal details on the first date it might suggest that they do not have any boundaries. An example is, they start sharing their previous break-up experience with you in detail, and start bad mouthing their ex. Or telling you that they were sexually abused as a child. These kind of things are only appropriate to share with people you trust and have known for some time already. Generally, sharing is great and necessary, but be conscious of what they are sharing with you.
7. How authentic are they?
Here I am referring to them being themselves and sticking up for what they believe when it come to small matters. For example, if you ask them what band they like and they say Nirvana and you say that you don’t like Nirvana (which by the way, screw you, Nirvana is awesome!), and they change their opinion to match yours. No one likes a people pleaser, believe me, I have experience with being one in the past (lesson learned!). My point is, are they comfortable with being themselves or are they being fake for the sake of you to like them.
Now, after you have asked yourselves these questions about your date, it is time to flip the scrip and ask yourself how you judge yourself according to these questions. I know it sucks to reflect on how you were, because you were just awesome, right? But seriously, if you want your date to match up positively with these questions, you have to first be mindful of how you stack up.
In conclusion, first dates are freaking amazing and exciting. It is better to ask yourself these questions about your date, because believe me, it is much better going out on a date with someone who is excited to be there with you than with someone who looks like they drank sour milk throughout the date.
